B: Hello?
M: Brisia, baby! How’s it going?
B: Hello, Manny. Things are ok for now. What’s happening? Is Mr. Thorsson really selling the league?
M: Yeah, baby. It’s the end. Mr. Thorsson wants to move to the next big thing & it ain’t roller derby.
B: What will I do? You’re my agent. What options do I have?
M: That’s what I’m calling about, sweetheart. Thorsson wants you to play Qwik.
B: Qwik? That’s a street game.
M: Not anymore, Brisia. Thorsson’s building a big indoor arena downtown near the casinos. Qwik is going to take New Hope City like gangbusters. The game is perfect for you guys. There are 5 players on a Qwik team just like there’s 5 on a Roller Derby team. Your blockers become drivers. Your pivot becomes the chain. And this is where you come in, baby. The jammer becomes the qwik. You’d still be the star!
B: Isn’t it dangerous?
M: Naw! Thorsson’s fixed that. The pile drivers are replaced with hockey sticks, & the chain is a rope with a metal ball on the end. Besides, all the players will have insurance: health, major medical, dental, disability, disfigurement… You didn’t even have insurance with Roller Derby unless you bought it yourself.
B: Hockey sticks? Come on, you’re arming the blockers? Some of them have it in for me like that Gretta on the Jackals. It sounds painful.
M: Think of the pay, sweetheart! Thorsson is offering you 150K a season. That’s 5 times what you make as a jammer.
B: 150K? That’s beyond my wildest dreams… Wait a minute. I smell a catch. What’s the catch, Manny?
M: Just like Roller Derby, baby. Thorsson sets up “good guy” teams & “bad guy” teams. He wants you to be the star for one of the “bad guy” teams. You’re going to have to be mean & evil. You’ll need a new stage name. No more “Breezy Brisia”. You’ll have to dye your hair black.
B: Ok, I can play an evil diva. But why do I have to dye my hair black?
M: Market research shows that audiences prefer their villains to have dark hair. The entire team is going to have black hair. I’m telling you, kiddo, you’ll wow the crowds.
B: What aren’t you telling me, Manny?
M: You have to see a cosmetic surgeon.
B: WHAT?
M: Brisia, baby! It’s no big deal. You go in for a little ear bob & then…
B: Ear bob? What’s wrong with my ears?
M: Nothing, sweetheart. Only the theme for this team is being billed as the Deviant Elves. He wants everyone on the team to have pointed ears.
B: Pointed ears? Why not just wear fake ear tips like they do in the vids?
M: Won’t do, baby. Thorsson wants the team to be in character 24/7. That means real pointed ears for personal appearances & promos.
B: Promos?
M: Yeah, promos. Vid commercials promoting products.
B: Tell you what, Manny. I’ll come on board for the 150K plus a percentage of the promos & personal appearances. That’s my price for having my ears “bobbed.”
M: Sweetheart! You’re reading my mind. Thorsson’s agreed to give you a 2% take as well as the 150K if you come on board. He’ll even give you a 5K signing bonus if you use the stage name “Elvira.”
B: Elvira? That doesn’t sound very elven.
M: No, but it has a history of being seductively evil.
B: Ok, then I’m your Elvira.
